In Loving Memory of Michael Jackson.

Welcome to this very special episode of The Talk Cock Show with your very special host, Koh Li Xian. Tonight, I wish to dedicate this episode to one of the greatest human beings that has graced Earth. It all started out with little boy with a highly complexed childhood that consequently resulted in the unexpected rise to superstardom in the late 20th century. His musical talent has reached above and beyond the boundaries that any human has ever come close. Constant preaching of love, harmony, peace and the appreciation of music are symbols that define this man, yet his background and eccentric behaviour has somewhat tarnished his reputation unfortunately. It is indeed unfortunate for this man to leave this world with a scar left behind on his ravishing career just because he has an infatuation for feeling like a kid, something that he was sadly taken away from. 

Who is to judge a man's interest in cartoons, fantasies, playgrounds and candy floss just because he is an infamous icon? Yet his life has been jeopardized and misunderstood and more importantly, misjudged by the society for his aberrant behaviour.

As a kid, I have always been a strong supporter for him. Purchasing albums, merchandise and attending his concert in elementary school were vivid memories that are still fresh in my mind. More recently, I have conducted a research paper on his scandal in 2003, only to realized that 2 months later, this iconic figure is reported to have left the world. 

Despite his absence, the world will never forget the legacy he left behind that has rocked the world for the past three decades. Not only did he leave behind audio pleasures for the world, he has demonstrated the quintessential symbol of globalization, humanity and equality. There is no doubt his influence has brought the world closer together, putting aside socio-political differences to bring people of  all ethnicities, classes, backgrounds together via his songs on humanity. 

The Memories of You will forever be remembered. 

                     "Those who are dead are not dead, 

 

                                                                                          They are just living in my head."

                                          

                                                              - Coldplay, 42

The Legend of Li Xian Part II

Earlier on The Legend of Li Xian Part 1.....Who is the mystery person? How is he related to the destroyed city? Can the mystery man see Li Xian? Is Li Xian still as hungry before he found the CD? Is the mystery man hungry too?

The mystery man was standing on one feet, holding a slurpee and listening to "Genie in a Bottle" on his ipod. He look tired, as if he just attended 5 rave parties in as many days. He grooved towards Li Xian...with hair like Nicholas Cage and a beard that touched his knees. "Howzz it goinngg?" He spoked in a French accent. "The city was destroyed by a huge cat. He was huge, fair and had dreadlocks. Apparently he turned into Evil Waikit at the stroke of midnight, and turned the city upside down. More importantly, he took all the women with him and says he will turn them into his virtual reality girlfriends, like his ex-VR girlfriend Tammy."

"I have to stop this cat! And when I'm done with him, I'll feast on him!" Exclaimed Li Xian. From that moment on...he decided to call himself, The Truth. No one knows why he calls himself that, and people wondered what motivated him to change his name to take on the huge cat. The Truth decided to dress himself up formally for his date with the Cat by going to the nearby Target departmental store along High Street in Stonnington 1KM away from the city.

Upon reaching there, he smelled something fishy. No. He smelled something porky. No. He smelled grass. He smelled skunky weed. He knew he's nearing Stonnington. Finally, he reached. He was alittle stoned by then. The town was all smoky and peaceful. Old folks holding pipes, office workers holding joints on both hands, little kids taking bong hits one after another....Li Xian, The Truth, wondered, "It's impossible. How can this town be so peaceful and relaxed while neighbouring city is in dire state?" At this moment in time, he was absolutely feeling the munchies. But he knows he got a mission to complete. He needs to find......formal clothes. Strangely, a brown suit came falling from the skies, with a note saying "You can wear me, or tear me up to make roaches." Li Xian decided to put on the suit....and started exploring Stonnington.

"I'm so sttoonneedd maaannnn.....I think I'm in outer space maaannnn.." A voice from afar caught Li Xian's attention. He followed the voice....took very careful steps to not alert anyone around him...and also to be careful not to step on the haven't fully grown female plants of the Northern Lights. Li Xian was stunned....and stoned. He saw a short indian dude.

Who is this Indian dude? What is he doing in Stonnington? Is he related to the Evil Cat? This Indian sure ain't no simple pothead. He has "Got Curry? Curry Carbonara?" written all over him. To find out what happens next on this 1960s blockbuster box-office hit movie, tune in to the next episode of.....The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian. Good Night.

http://www.dianying.com/en/title/13619

Episode 21: Do You Feel Vomit?

Welcome to The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian. Tonight, we welcome back renowned local director, Director Tan, to discuss about annoying and irritating girls that have graced our beautiful world. Director Tan has recently been caught up with various gambling activities...which he encountered a girl that has left him irate and disgusted.

Koh Li Xian: Welcome back to the show. It seems like this girl named Selena has not left you with too many good impressions.

Director Tan: We were playing blackjack with a couple of friends. It was all about having fun and enjoying the Chinese New Year celebrations.

Director Tan: So happen that the deck of cards have 5 Eights....it aint that big a deal cos we were having fun...but she chosed to make a big fuss out of it.

Director Tan: She was losing money...so she was very buay song (unhappy).

Koh Li Xian: But it's only a few dollars what...not say it's a lot of money anyway.

Director Tan: I think if you saw her, you confirm also buay tahan (cannot stand her).

Koh Li Xian: Maybe I should vomit on her the next time I see her.

Koh Li Xian: And then the floor become too slippery because I vomit too much on her... and she slips and fall.

Koh Li Xian: Slip on my vomit.

Director Tan: What the hell?! That's disgusting man.




Breaking News: The latest, most popular hotline has hit the town that has captured the attention of Melbournians this summer. Please call 1800-I-Am-Very-Disgusting to find out more about The Most Eligible Indian in Australia, Mr. Glenn Perreire.


Koh Li Xian: Thanks for the newsroom. Welcome back to the show.

Koh Li Xian: As far as I can see, it seems like Selena is very stingy with her money.

Koh Li Xian: She is so stingy with her money, I think her boyfriend needs to insert 20cent coin into her pocket, twist her nipple, then see whether she will give a good kiss or a bad kiss.

Koh Li Xian: Just like the Dragonball Card Machine.

Koh Li Xian: If you are lucky, you will get a shining card.

Director Tan: Hahahahahha....only you can think of such a thing.

Director Tan: Sometimes if you are lucky, you can twist 2 cards out.

Koh Li Xian: .......

Writers' Strike & Writer's Block

Deepest apologies to my audiences and fans all over the world. Due to the recent writers' crisis, I have stopped writing to show my support for all the other writers. Despite its ongoing protests, I have decided to open my show again because of Chinese New Year.

The Year of the Rat:

People born in the Year of the Rat are noted for their charm and attraction for the opposite sex. They work hard to achieve their goals, acquire possessions, and are likely to be perfectionists.
The Rat person is usually a bright, happy and sociable personality
The Rat is reputed to make an excellent writer and this is not surprising at all. He makes it a point to know practically everything about everyone in town. He keeps tabs, has an uncanny eye for detail, a good memory and is incredibly inquisitive.

References:
http://www.theholidayspot.com/chinese_new_year/more_zodiacs/rat.htm
http://www.c-c-c.org/chineseculture/zodiac/Rat.html




Ladies and Gentleman, this goes to show WHY I am your beloved Talk Show Host. I never like to boast about myself, but facts cannot lie. Tune in to the next episode of The Talk Cock Show, in which the normal program resumes. Until next time, Happy Chinese New Year and let the rat race begin.

Episode 19: Cinema Studies

Welcome to The Talk Cock Show. Tonight, we re-welcome Glenn Perreire, a hot favourite special guest on the interview previously on Episode Black. He has achieved success in many aspects: Quiting smoking....on some days, a great Zelda player and successfully plagiarized countless essays. Tonight we will be talking about his past experiences at the movies and some of his understandings about cinema studies.

Koh Li Xian: Welcome back to the show. What coffee would you like to drink?

Glenn: I'd like a flat white please. After the adrenaline I had last night from all the alcohol and partying, I feel like food i eat now taste damn flat.

Koh Li Xian: But I thought you ordered a flat white?

Koh Li Xian: Anyway....on another note. Tell me about something that you have encountered at the movies.

Glenn: I was at the movies with my girlfriend. And there was an obnoxious guy talking loudly in front of me. I was so annoyed. I told him to keep quiet.

Glenn: He ignored me. Fine. He continued talking loudly. I could not take it. I stood up and told him to "get the fuck out if you wanna keep talking".

Glenn: He stood up. And he actually threw his popcorn at me.

Glenn: The worst part is....he threw salty popcorn at me!!! If it's sweet popcorn, it's all right.

Koh Li Xian: ..................

After the break, we will continue our chat with Glenn on recent movies that he has watched lately.

Koh Li Xian: Welcome back to the show. Few weeks back, we watched a Thai movie called "Bangkok Dangerous".

Koh Li Xian: I didn't know it was a quite an arthouse film rather than an action-packed movie that I expected it to be.

Andre: The movie doesn't seem very dangerous leh.

Koh Li Xian: Well it's not THAT dangerous.......but you can SENSE the danger was there.

Glenn: Well, at least it is honest about it lah.

Koh Li Xian: Hmmmmm.

Koh Li Xian: We also watched the movie "Carrie" recently. What are your thoughts? I think that....Carrie can never be destroyed!

Koh Li Xian: The only solution is to make Carrie fight........Bruce Willis.

Glenn: Why Bruce Willis?

Koh Li Xian: Because he can never die in Die Hard!

Koh Li Xian: You have to find someone who cannot die to kill Carrie. Undead Vs Undead.

Glenn: But Bruce Willis is not undead! He just.......Died.....Hard.





BRUCE WILLIS VS CARRIE


On this kablooey, thank you for tuning in to the show. Until next time, Good Night.

Special Edition: For Marijuana, Wee'd fly da Tijuana

Welcome to a very special edition of The Talk Cock Show With Koh Li Xian. Today we will be talking about a very important issue: Marijuana. Some say it's illegal, some say it's harmful, some say it makes one stupid and some even say it's a waste of money. Well I say Fuck it. It has created one of the most interesting conversation created by weed..I mean We, humans.

Faiz: So you see Global Warming is full of bullshit.

Glenn: So you see humans are actually the lowest form of living thing in this world. Creating havoc and all to mother nature. And I say Mother Nature tells humans to just...Fuck it.

Koh Li Xian: Exactly. Mother Nature says Fuck it to us. BUT! She actually want us.....to smoke her.

Koh Li Xian: Think about it. The reason why animals are higher form of living things is because they are With Mother Nature. We humans are not. We WEEED to BE with Mother Nature. I mean NEED to be with Mother Nature.

Faiz: That's right. That's why Mother Nature and Humans should have a ????????

Faiz and Koh Li Xian: A JOINT venture !!!!

Faiz: It's happening already. Technology has already shown how this is possible by creating ????

Faiz and Koh Li Xian: I-POT !!!!!

Thank you for tuning in to The Show. Smokey Tong and Chillaxation times with Koh Li Xian will be continued..... In the meantime, stay tuned. Good Night.

Episode 18: Living in Generation Mute.

Good Evening. Welcome to The Talk Cock Show. Tonight we look to discover how sounds...audio...the art of hearing has become such an important aspect to our daily lives. From the ghettos of Jamaican Reggae to the soapy love songs of Taiwan music (which very often start songs with either guitar or piano tunes), the absence of lyrics is as good as making one chew pills and keep the residue under the tongue while pouring cherry-ade into the openings of the ear and letting it flow out through your pores. However, sometimes being mute isn't that bad after all. So tonight, we look at 2 different issues that was brought up over the past week on the positive and negative aspect of mute.



Positive

Koh Li Xian: Welcome to the show, Sufern. I am really curious where have all the japanese students gone to in our university? I can't see any japanese people around in school except for those really cute jap girls working at the sushi place.

Koh Li Xian: However, my japanese friend told me there are actually quite alot of Japanese in school. I don't get it!

Sufern: There are.

Koh Li Xian: But you just can't seem to see them!

Sufern: They are very closely knitted as well. My officemate always go to japanese picnics, japanese outings, and japanese dinners.

Koh Li Xian: That's what I thought as well. Maybe I should disguise as a japanese and blend in with them.

Sufern: But you do not speak the language.

Koh Li Xian: I will say that I am a mute Japanese.



Negative

Andre: Oei. Why your trance songs that you give me all so talkative one ah?

Andre: Your songs are talking too much to me man. I'm going mad.

Koh Li Xian: You are damn whiny can!? I give you a mixture of trance and vocal trance cos' I thought you might like them.

Andre: I think I shall call them Talkative Trance.

Koh Li Xian: That's why it's called Vocal Trance. Not Mute Trance.



On this mute print, thank you for tuning in to the show. Before I go, remember. You can tune in to The Talk Cock Show on mute. Until next time, Good Night.