Welcome to episode 5 of The Talk Cock Show. Today we welcome a very special guest. A huge favourite on the show due to his ability to make me laugh at jokes that i created myself. His special ability is to leech on other people's identity and make fun of them. This shows one thing. He has zero individuality and creativity. Critics have questioned why he has become such a big hit on the big screens, especially winning the recent Star Awards, and his constant appearances on the show. I say he just simply has too much time. He recently injured his toe in a celebrity soccer match, in order to raise funs for himself. Yes, I mean for his own fun and leisure. Please welcome Thomas Li.
Koh Li Xian: So tell me Thomas, why do you have so much free time? Don't you have any work or school?
Thomas Li: Yeah, I have been skipping school.
Koh Li Xian: So, do you want me to give you some skipping ropes?
Thomas Li: Oh, no need. I have alot of rubber bands, and make it into a rope, and play with primary school girls.
Koh Li Xian: Seems like you are forgetting your childhood. That game is called zero point if you didn't know.
Koh Li Xian: After the commercial, Thomas will be sharing a very interesting story. Stay tuned.
TV commercial: Paul Simon's latest album is out now at all good CD stores. With famous hits such as "Graceland" charting the 1990s Billboards. A very recent singer best known for his songwriting ability. Get your copy now. Release Date: 1995.
Koh Li Xian: Welcome back to The Talk Cock Show. So Thomas, tell us about your story.
Thomas Li: There was this rat, he was waiting for his cheese to be delivered to his house.
Thomas Li: He heard the door bell and opened the door.
Thomas Li: It turned out to his good friend, the roasted pigeon.
Thomas Li: They had kopi cino and chatted all day long
Koh Li Xian: But isn't the roasted pigeon be dead already?
Thomas Li: Because there was a higher being, who dictates who lives or die.
Thomas Li: But this god was not very good in chinese.
Thomas Li: so he wrote down the lives of each person
Thomas Li: Instead of delivering the cheese, he mistakenly read out roasted pigeon to vist rat
Thomas Li: Even though he had a accident, his nest was burn down by tweedy.
Koh Li Xian: I know why he was not good with chinese that's why he did not deliver the cheese. It is because he did not know that "IN"side the cheese is actually an E.
On this paroxysm, I hope you enjoyed the show. Stay tuned to the next episode of....The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian.
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Saturday, October 28, 2006
The Special Request Show: The Boon Tong Kee Story
By popular request, viewers have demanded for the infamous, one-and-only, the lonely one no two (独一无二).........The Boon Tong Kee story. The following photo and material contains explicit content. The Talk Cock Show advise all viewers that, only mature audiences are allowed, not for the weak of heart.
It was a Tuesday evening in May 2005, Your host, Koh Li Xian, was out with his parents to buy dinner back for his grandmother. It is a weekly family event as the Koh Family loves to eat Hainanese Chicken. Therefore, every tuesday the Kohs will go to Boon Tong Kee at East Coast Road to buy chickens home for a massive feast. Being the non-conformist himself, Koh Li Xian wanted Five-star Chicken Rice instead of Boon Tong Kee Chicken Rice because of the difference in the black sauce. As his parents went to buy, Koh Li Xian and his grandmother waited anxiously for the chickens for a homecoming. When his parents came home, Koh Li Xian was in seventh heaven. However, when he opened up the bags, he got a shock of his life. There was no Five Star Chicken Rice black sauce. "I don't believe it! I specially requested for the black sauce but Mummy you have forgotten!". He was disappointed, but he did not succumb to conformity. He drove to the shop to ask for the black sauce. But the very obnoxious cashier said "No. Unless you buy chicken from us, then we will give you the sauce". Exchanging words of fury with the cashier, he went home in flames of fury, empty-handed. Just as he step into the house, his grandmother and mother were in the midst of a fiery quarrel. Only to realise, Grandmother wanted more chilli sauce than it was given. "Mummy, we should end this quarreling and let's go ask for more chilli sauce from Boon Tong Kee." Driving back for the third time, Mummy requested for more chilli sauce. Equally obnoxious and arrogant was the Boon Tong Kee cashier, she refused to give more chilli sauce unless more chickens were bought. Mummy got absolutely livid, She went to next door and bought a Golden Pillow back (金枕头) (A humongous bread stuffed with curry chicken).
Ladies and Gentlemen, if you think the above story was true, think again.
Thank you very much for the request. If you want a special request, please let me know via the viewers' comments section. Until next time, I'm your host Koh Li Xian. Have a great weekend.
It was a Tuesday evening in May 2005, Your host, Koh Li Xian, was out with his parents to buy dinner back for his grandmother. It is a weekly family event as the Koh Family loves to eat Hainanese Chicken. Therefore, every tuesday the Kohs will go to Boon Tong Kee at East Coast Road to buy chickens home for a massive feast. Being the non-conformist himself, Koh Li Xian wanted Five-star Chicken Rice instead of Boon Tong Kee Chicken Rice because of the difference in the black sauce. As his parents went to buy, Koh Li Xian and his grandmother waited anxiously for the chickens for a homecoming. When his parents came home, Koh Li Xian was in seventh heaven. However, when he opened up the bags, he got a shock of his life. There was no Five Star Chicken Rice black sauce. "I don't believe it! I specially requested for the black sauce but Mummy you have forgotten!". He was disappointed, but he did not succumb to conformity. He drove to the shop to ask for the black sauce. But the very obnoxious cashier said "No. Unless you buy chicken from us, then we will give you the sauce". Exchanging words of fury with the cashier, he went home in flames of fury, empty-handed. Just as he step into the house, his grandmother and mother were in the midst of a fiery quarrel. Only to realise, Grandmother wanted more chilli sauce than it was given. "Mummy, we should end this quarreling and let's go ask for more chilli sauce from Boon Tong Kee." Driving back for the third time, Mummy requested for more chilli sauce. Equally obnoxious and arrogant was the Boon Tong Kee cashier, she refused to give more chilli sauce unless more chickens were bought. Mummy got absolutely livid, She went to next door and bought a Golden Pillow back (金枕头) (A humongous bread stuffed with curry chicken).
Ladies and Gentlemen, if you think the above story was true, think again.
Thank you very much for the request. If you want a special request, please let me know via the viewers' comments section. Until next time, I'm your host Koh Li Xian. Have a great weekend.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Episode 4
Welcome to episode 4 of The Talk Cock Show. Once again I'm your host Koh Li Xian. Answer for last episode's trivia question," How many battles did Thomas Li win?" Answer: Zero. Today we welcome a very popular figure in the Taiwan entertainment industry. He calls himself the Local King and he is well known to be having affairs with other celebrities. Please welcome Jacky Wu 吴宗宪!
Koh Li Xian: Welcome to the show. Or perhaps I thank myself for watching your show. I've always been a huge admirer to your good friend Jay Chou. He has become the most popular singer in Asian music. I wish to dedicate a song to him, and it's one of his hit songs called " 开不了口".
Koh Li Xian: 没有你在我有多难熬(没有你在我有多难熬多烦恼)
Koh Li Xian: 没有你烦我有多烦恼(没有你烦我有多烦恼多难熬).
Jacky Wu: 没有你在，我都自己来(没有你在我都自己来,右手自己来).
Koh Li Xian: You sure you have affairs with other women, according to the media? It seems more likely that you are a very lonely man.
Koh Li Xian: Seems like you are more than just a famous celebrity. You are also the nephew of Bruce Lee......Lone Lee.
Koh Li Xian: We'll take a short break now. After the break, We switch our focus to a lady who had to endure much hardship upon hearing my comments at a recent live show performed at the beach.
TV commercial: Singapore promotes Shopping! So if you want to shop, you have to buy. And when you buy, you need to.....purchase it.
Welcome back to the show. Our next guest is a lady who has transformed herself into a boy. Critics have revealed that her attitude towards people makes her a true man. I say she's a true warrior indeed. Her collection of shoes has reached a point where she has to start buying the same shoes all over again. Please welcome...Hanna Lee!
Hanna Lee: It's a torture to be here. Thank you for inviting me.
Koh Li Xian: I thank you for coming. I have to tell you that my favourite food has got to be sesame.
Koh Li Xian: I crave for sesame everyday.....sesame balls....sesame paste....sesame ice cream....sesame milkshake....
Koh Li Xian: Which is why I must go to sesame street!
Koh Li Xian: Welcome to the show. Or perhaps I thank myself for watching your show. I've always been a huge admirer to your good friend Jay Chou. He has become the most popular singer in Asian music. I wish to dedicate a song to him, and it's one of his hit songs called " 开不了口".
Koh Li Xian: 没有你在我有多难熬(没有你在我有多难熬多烦恼)
Koh Li Xian: 没有你烦我有多烦恼(没有你烦我有多烦恼多难熬).
Jacky Wu: 没有你在，我都自己来(没有你在我都自己来,右手自己来).
Koh Li Xian: You sure you have affairs with other women, according to the media? It seems more likely that you are a very lonely man.
Koh Li Xian: Seems like you are more than just a famous celebrity. You are also the nephew of Bruce Lee......Lone Lee.
Koh Li Xian: We'll take a short break now. After the break, We switch our focus to a lady who had to endure much hardship upon hearing my comments at a recent live show performed at the beach.
TV commercial: Singapore promotes Shopping! So if you want to shop, you have to buy. And when you buy, you need to.....purchase it.
Welcome back to the show. Our next guest is a lady who has transformed herself into a boy. Critics have revealed that her attitude towards people makes her a true man. I say she's a true warrior indeed. Her collection of shoes has reached a point where she has to start buying the same shoes all over again. Please welcome...Hanna Lee!
Hanna Lee: It's a torture to be here. Thank you for inviting me.
Koh Li Xian: I thank you for coming. I have to tell you that my favourite food has got to be sesame.
Koh Li Xian: I crave for sesame everyday.....sesame balls....sesame paste....sesame ice cream....sesame milkshake....
Koh Li Xian: Which is why I must go to sesame street!
On this paroxysm, I hope you enjoyed the show as much as I do. Stay tuned to the next episode of The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Special Edition: Post Episode 3 backstage uncut version
After the show, Koh Li Xian bumped into office boy Gunawan, an Indonesian man with really huge nipples and being stereotyped as a gay for the past 9 years.
Koh Li Xian: Hey Gunawan, let me tell you a joke.
Gunawan: Yes?
Koh Li Xian: You are a joke.
15 minutes later at the car park, Koh Li Xian bumped into The Talk Cock Show Band acoustic guitarist Faiz, an Arab man often confused about his sexuality and a full time junkie who attempts to seek the Truth through cannabis.
Faiz: Hey, if only we had a unique individual martial arts skill within one self. I will call my skill "The Deadly Touch".
Koh Li Xian: Wow, that does sound really dangerous and deadly. I believe you are inspired by Bruce Lee's uncle.
Faiz: Why is that so?
Koh Li Xian: Because Bruce Lee's uncle is called Dead Lee.
Koh Li Xian: Hey Gunawan, let me tell you a joke.
Gunawan: Yes?
Koh Li Xian: You are a joke.
15 minutes later at the car park, Koh Li Xian bumped into The Talk Cock Show Band acoustic guitarist Faiz, an Arab man often confused about his sexuality and a full time junkie who attempts to seek the Truth through cannabis.
Faiz: Hey, if only we had a unique individual martial arts skill within one self. I will call my skill "The Deadly Touch".
Koh Li Xian: Wow, that does sound really dangerous and deadly. I believe you are inspired by Bruce Lee's uncle.
Faiz: Why is that so?
Koh Li Xian: Because Bruce Lee's uncle is called Dead Lee.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Episode 3
Welcome to episode 3 of The Talk Cock Show. I'm your host Koh Li Xian. It seems to me that previous guest appearance, Thomas Li, had more to say about himself rather than just movies only. So I welcome him back on the show tonight to see what does he have in store for us.
Thomas Li: Besides winning awards which had only me and myself in the nominations category for my recent performances, I actually went to school for my school project meeting.
Koh Li Xian: Very well. Out of my most random curiosity, what did you have for lunch in school today then? I suspect you had noodles for lunch.
Thomas Li: Oh? Why would you say so?
Koh Li Xian: Because you went to school to attend a MEEting.
Thomas Li: ......
Thomas Li: You were close! but not exactly the right answer. I had economical rice (for those who aren't Singaporeans and does not know what economical rice means? It means Zap Cai Beng).
Thomas Li: I had economical rice because my project meeting was an ECONOMICS meeting.
Koh Li Xian: I think we need a quick commercial. After the break, Thomas Li will discuss about his laziness.
TV advertisement: Jay Koh's latest single "Yeah Qu"out now at all good CD stores. Since January 2006. Plenty of stock available. Conditions apply.
Koh Li Xian: Welcome back to The Talk Cock Show. It seems to me that you have a problem with multitasking. Is that right?
Thomas Li: That's right. I can't seem to talk properly on the phone while playing computer games at the same time. Ends up i screw things up at both ends. However, it was said that one man can actually multitask 7 things at a time.
Koh Li Xian: I agree with that. I believe you can multitask if you want to. On many occasions you have proven to multitask very well in every day life practices. You can actually hold a Coke can while drinking it from a straw, walking or running while breathing AND opening you mouth to speak, watching tv while keeping your eyes open while scratching you neck while yawning!
Koh Li Xian: Now let's talk about you laziness. So Thomas Li, it seems like you have not been doing your school work very conscientiously.
Thomas Li: Yeah I actually needed to use my lunch break to finish up my work.
Koh Li Xian: You really suck, Thomas. I'd need to buy you a carton of Coke and plenty of straws.
Thomas Li: I like to connect the straws, make into light sabres and fight with other kids.
Koh Li Xian: A true warrior indeed. So did you win many battles?
On this paroxysm, if you wanna know how many battles did Thomas Li win, stay tuned to the next episode of The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian.
Thomas Li: Besides winning awards which had only me and myself in the nominations category for my recent performances, I actually went to school for my school project meeting.
Koh Li Xian: Very well. Out of my most random curiosity, what did you have for lunch in school today then? I suspect you had noodles for lunch.
Thomas Li: Oh? Why would you say so?
Koh Li Xian: Because you went to school to attend a MEEting.
Thomas Li: ......
Thomas Li: You were close! but not exactly the right answer. I had economical rice (for those who aren't Singaporeans and does not know what economical rice means? It means Zap Cai Beng).
Thomas Li: I had economical rice because my project meeting was an ECONOMICS meeting.
Koh Li Xian: I think we need a quick commercial. After the break, Thomas Li will discuss about his laziness.
TV advertisement: Jay Koh's latest single "Yeah Qu"out now at all good CD stores. Since January 2006. Plenty of stock available. Conditions apply.
Koh Li Xian: Welcome back to The Talk Cock Show. It seems to me that you have a problem with multitasking. Is that right?
Thomas Li: That's right. I can't seem to talk properly on the phone while playing computer games at the same time. Ends up i screw things up at both ends. However, it was said that one man can actually multitask 7 things at a time.
Koh Li Xian: I agree with that. I believe you can multitask if you want to. On many occasions you have proven to multitask very well in every day life practices. You can actually hold a Coke can while drinking it from a straw, walking or running while breathing AND opening you mouth to speak, watching tv while keeping your eyes open while scratching you neck while yawning!
Koh Li Xian: Now let's talk about you laziness. So Thomas Li, it seems like you have not been doing your school work very conscientiously.
Thomas Li: Yeah I actually needed to use my lunch break to finish up my work.
Koh Li Xian: You really suck, Thomas. I'd need to buy you a carton of Coke and plenty of straws.
Thomas Li: I like to connect the straws, make into light sabres and fight with other kids.
Koh Li Xian: A true warrior indeed. So did you win many battles?
On this paroxysm, if you wanna know how many battles did Thomas Li win, stay tuned to the next episode of The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian.
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Episode 2
Welcome to The Talk Cock Show. I'm your host Koh Li Xian. Today we welcome a very special guest. He has been on the headlines on numerous occasions for his brilliant album cover editing skills and contributed tremendously in the publishing of pop star Jay Koh's music videos. Recently, he was also awarded both Best Male Actor in Short Films Category for his role in "Two Men Two Women" and Best Supporting Actor in Music Videos for his role in Jay Koh's music video "Huo Yuan Jia" in the recent 2006 Star (天煞孤星) Awards. (The one and only nomination in both categories up for awards). I think we need no introduction to due to his massive popularity. Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome Thomas Li !
Thomas Li: It's a pleasure to be on this highly-rated show. I appreciate you having me on this show.
Koh Li Xian: You are most welcome. So tell me, Have you watched the recent blockbuster movie "The Departed" ?
Thomas Li: No, I have not, but i heard it's from a famous Hong Kong"Infernal Affairs". I believe there was a trilogy to this movie.
Koh Li Xian: That is correct. I'm sure you have close relations with Martin Scorsese due to your rise to stardom of late. Tell us what will be the titles to the next 2 sequels.
Thomas Li: The first movie will be called "The Departed". The second movie will be called "The Transit". The third movie will be called "The Arrival."
Koh Li Xian: Very well. I actually thought The first movie will be called "The Departed". The
second movie will be called "The Arrival". The third movie will be called " The Budget Terminal".
On this bombshell, stay tuned for the next episode of The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian. I'm Koh Li Xian.
Thomas Li: It's a pleasure to be on this highly-rated show. I appreciate you having me on this show.
Koh Li Xian: You are most welcome. So tell me, Have you watched the recent blockbuster movie "The Departed" ?
Thomas Li: No, I have not, but i heard it's from a famous Hong Kong"Infernal Affairs". I believe there was a trilogy to this movie.
Koh Li Xian: That is correct. I'm sure you have close relations with Martin Scorsese due to your rise to stardom of late. Tell us what will be the titles to the next 2 sequels.
Thomas Li: The first movie will be called "The Departed". The second movie will be called "The Transit". The third movie will be called "The Arrival."
Koh Li Xian: Very well. I actually thought The first movie will be called "The Departed". The
second movie will be called "The Arrival". The third movie will be called " The Budget Terminal".
On this bombshell, stay tuned for the next episode of The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian. I'm Koh Li Xian.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
Welcome to The Next Cock Thing in Town.
Welcome to The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian. If you think you are going to have a good time laughing at this blog, you are wrong. Why? Because 100% of the time, you probably won't understand what I am typing. For example, what's Lee Kuan Yew's favourite pastime hobby? Answer: Urinating. Why? Because he likes to YEWrinate. Excuse me SM Lee, can you do me favour? Can you take the letter "L" out of the word flavour?
On this bombshell, stay tuned to the next episode of... The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian.
On this bombshell, stay tuned to the next episode of... The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian.
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