The Special Request Show: MLM

Welcome to The Special Request Show. Today we will be discussing an issue that has been often been linked with money, socialising, marketing, lying, bullshitting, fake promises and most importantly.... a massive waste of time. However, I would like to take this opportunity to share my views on this allegedly money-making business by sharing a very exclusive conversation with regular guest star on the show, Mr. Thomas Li.

Multi-level marketing (MLM) (also called network marketing or NM) is a business model that combines direct marketing with franchising (Wikipedia 2006:1). The pyramid-like structure of conning money seemed like a very wise idea, but little did people know that it's a chance for people like me to get extremely creative.

Thomas Li: Hey Mr. Koh, I recently have a friend who has approached me to take some time out to listen to his business plans.

Koh Li Xian: Oh really? Tell me more about it. So who is sharing his great ambitions with you?

Thomas Li: It's Kelvin Kermit Kuah, also known as Triple K, and also known as Bye. The reason why he was called Bye is because according to friends of his, they preferred to call him Bye instead of Chee.

Koh Li Xian: Wow. A man of few words, or should i say...a man whose reaction time is as fast as a mannequin trying to say hi to window shoppers, with minimal charisma to convince people to believe that the grass is green in colour, is actually sharing a business idea with you? That's something refreshing. I say the grass is greener on the other side, even if it's in a desert.

Thomas Li: He asked me to go attend a seminar, which is something similar to MLM.

Koh Li Xian: Please pardon my ignorance, but what is MLM?

Thomas Li: It's something like network marketing.

Koh Li Xian: Wow. You are actually interested in such scams? I'd rather feed the pigs and paint myself black if I were you. At least I get to eat pork in the dark while you waste your life away watching brainless people trying to con your money.

Thomas Li: But Bye is my friend, I think I'm obliged to give him face and at least attend a seminar.

Koh Li Xian: All right. So tell me more about MLM.

Thomas Li: It's where a company tries to sell products to customers by convincing them the benefits of using the products. Whilst doing that, the company builds on its reputation by gaining more.....

Koh Li Xian: Oh I Know!!!!! I know what MLM means....It means MaLay Mee.

Thomas Li: Aaaahhh....

Koh Li Xian: I'm terribly sorry. Could you repeat to me what MLM is all about?

Thomas Li: Okay, I shall repeat myself again. It's a company that tries to sell products to customers by convincing them the benefits of using the products. Whilst doing that, the company builds on its reputation by gaining more members to increase the popularity of the company. So if every member gets another two more members, and each coughing out a sum of money as application fee, the pattern continues until the pioneers of the company actually gets to buy themselves luxurious houses and fast cars. The process continues as more products are introduced into.....

Koh Li Xian: Oh I Know!!!!! I know what MLM means....It also means Mo Lan Mao (caressing pubic hair).

Koh Li Xian: Oh I'm so sorry, can you repeat to me what MLM is all about again?

Thomas Li: That's it. I'm not telling you anymore! You are obviously not listening to what I'm saying because you simply cannot be bothered with MLM. You are just buying time in order for you to think, while I explain the idea of MLM, and then you go and come up with new meanings to the term MLM.


I would like to thank Thomas Li for the special request of the MLM story to be told on The Talk Cock Show. As you audience and viewers can see, Mr. Koh Li Xian simply does not give a rat's ass about MLM...simply because it Makes Life Meaningless.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I hope you have enjoyed the show. Please write into the show if you wish to have any special requests to be aired on the show. Stay tuned to the next episode of The Talk Cock Show with Koh Li Xian, as I leave you with this week's trivia question:
Why aren't there any WalMarts in Afghanistan?